Fighting our Demons – Losing Sight of It all

It was one of those highly disturbing documentaries. The kind that makes you cringe and question ‘What’s wrong with him?’ The kind that affects you because somehow or another you could relate and identify with it. The kind that hits a raw spot at home.

I had a lot of difficulties watching how exorcism was carried out. And it inevitably led me to harbour a lot of question on the legitimacy of this practice.

There is a particular sect in the Philippines led by Hinirang Ng Diyos. He believes that he is the one chosen by God and is a practising Roman Catholic. He has a group of followers and as part of their training, he urges them to prove their election by eating shards of glass broken off a fluorescent tube laden with mercury. He theorises that if they were indeed chosen by God, they would have no fear because they possess special powers to would leave them unscathed.

His ten year old niece is one of them. She believes that her uncle is speaking the gospel truth. She thinks that the Lord gave these instructions to her uncle and she has got to follow them if she wants to become a spiritual healer. And so she chews on the shards of glass heavily laden with mercury.

Then there is Bob Larson. A pastor of the Spiritual Freedom Church. He believes that more than fifty percent of the people are possessed by demons, and his mission to exorcise them. He first detects who those possessed by demons are by holding out a cross, as though it was some demon radar. He would then call the person up and start his exorcism by invoking the name of Christ, followed by smacking the possessed individual with a leather bound Bible, getting his entire congregation to help support him and all these are done not without a microphone and the cameras.

During his ritual, the possessed individual would start convulsing, crying and bawling. He would sometimes start vomiting. And most often than not, a petite lady would need four strong men to hold her down. When his ritual is complete, the congregation would resound in cheers. Larson would then go on about how everyone must be freed from the bondage of Satan through the power of Christ. And this is what disturbs me most.

It disturbs me greatly when preachers go round telling congregations that they are possessed, the need for exorcism, and that they have to go through some kind of deliverance ministry before they can truly experience the fullness of life realised in Christ Jesus. It also disturbs me greatly when preachers call for an altar call after an emotionally stirring message. They claim that God is speaking to them and now is the moment where the Holy Spirit is pouring out its power, now is the moment where the Spirit is moving people to repentance, and now is the moment for them to respond, otherwise the chance is gone forever. These gestures are most often couple with the musician playing some kind of music that strongly engages the emotions, coupled with strong emotive language that is often ambiguous.

It disturbs me greatly because I have experienced and been a part of it all. It disturbs me greatly because I find no biblical warrant for such actions. It disturbs me greatly because it distracts us all from what the Gospel is about.

Whenever the preacher used to speak of deliverance as normative of Christian growth and spirituality, and that unless one goes through this ritual, one cannot experience the fullness of the Christian life, a feeling of guilt overwhelms me. I felt as though I’m a lesser Christian, unable to experience the full joy of our Lord Jesus Christ, simply because I did not go for deliverance ministry. And during those altar call moments, I again felt as though I missed out on something because I failed to seize that momentous occasion when the Spirit of God was working and moving in the midst of the congregation.

I have experienced pastors telling me that they feel that God is going to work at that session, that He is going to move among the people and that we, the youth leaders, must be prepared to pray for the youths who were going to come forward. And it would be better if we could pray in tongues. We were told we had to better prepare ourselves for that session. It seemed normative that sessions at youth camp would end with a time of ‘ministry’.

I started questioning if God’s power was indeed limited to that moment in time and space. It baffled me that the Spirit would only pour out its power and blessings after the emotive message was preached. It confused me how the power of the Spirit was given a boost by the ‘anointed’ musicians. It just seemed so strange that the power of God fell only upon a few, often the pastors, and that we had to rely on them in order to experience the fullness of the Christian life. And does it mean that I’m missing out on a whole lot more because I was not prayed for during that session as I had to go round praying for others?

However, as I continued studying Scripture, I soon realised how ludicrous those claims were and that most of my fears and guilt are unfounded.

There are indeed a few occasions in the Gospel where Jesus heals people afflicted by demonic powers. And Paul did indeed meet with a slave girl who had the spirit of divination. But the question we have got to consider is whether such is normative of the Christian life. Apart from the account in Acts, did Paul write to the churches instructing them of the need to carry out exorcism and deliverance? That unless such offices be carried out, they would not be able to experience the full extent and measure of God’s grace and joy?

There is indeed an account in Acts where Peter prayed for the assembly and the Spirit of the Lord came upon them. But the question we have got to ask again is whether such is the normative of Christian experience? How else does Peter and Paul describe the work of the Spirit among God’s elect?

In Paul’s pastoral epistles to Timothy and Titus, we have got to question why is it that if exorcism and deliverance, as it is carried out today, is indeed normative of Christian experience, why did Paul not exhort his spiritual children and elders of the Church of Christ to carry out such offices? Why did Paul not exhort them to gather the assemblies en masse and capture that moment in time when Spirit was moving and ready to pour out God’s power in the fullest measure? Why did Paul not remind them that if they had missed out on that auspicious hour, those Christian will never be able to experience the full measure of God’s grace, mercy, forgiveness and joy?

I find it extremely disturbing that many Christian these days centre in on a few events in the Bible and stretch it out to be the normative of Christian life. They throw out this blanket of guilt that unless you have experienced one of those encounters, you can never experience the fullness of life in Christ.

A couple of months ago, I met a lady from my previous church. She asked me where I currently was. I told her I’ve since moved to another church and I’m very contented because there is a very strong emphasis on the Word and the preaching is very biblical.

She said that it was good and important that the church place an emphasis on the Word, and then came the ‘but’. The ‘but’ that suggested that there was another clause, another qualification that mattered. The ‘but’ was the power of the Spirit.

Not wanting to jump to conclusion or stereotyping what people meant when they mention ‘Spirit’, though I very much guess it has something to do with hypercharismatic manifestations, I listened to what she had to say. She started talking about tongues. How I must pray in tongues in order to exercise the power of the Spirit. And then she went on about Peter’s vision as a qualification for her claim about tongues. I still do not get how it relates to tongues. I do not understand how Peter’s vision in Acts 10 relates to the manifestation of tongues.

When she finally stopped, I started to ask her if tongues was the only manifestation of the Spirit’s power. She paused, and then she went on to healing and Reinhard Bonkke. She finally came to a stop. And then I asked her if those are the only ways by which the Spirit of God manifests its power. She remained silent.

I then asked her why is it that Paul only mentions tongues in his first epistle to the church in Corinth, and only the first. And if tongues is indeed normative of the Spirit’s work and the life of Christians, should not Paul then address his people with the mention of tongues? How he heard of them speaking in tongues? How he is encouraged by their practice of tongues? How he is sure of the Spirit working among them because he knows that they are practising tongues?

Rather than making mention of tongues, Paul actually speaks of their hope, faith and love. When Paul wrote of the Spirit’s work, he wrote about unity among believers being a work of the Spirit, walking in righteousness being a work of the Spirit, conviction of sin being a work of the Spirit, love among believers being a work of the Spirit, sanctification of believers being a work of the Spirit, preaching of the Gospel being a work of the Spirit, transformation of lives being a work of the Spirit.

Rather than speaking of ministry in terms or exorcism, deliverance or altar calls, Paul reminds his protégés that they are to guard the purity of the Gospel, to teach sound doctrine, reminding them of qualification of the elders and deacons, and the threats of false teacher and prophets amongst their midst.

Rather than exhorting members of the church to go for deliverance ministry, Paul reminds them of what Christ has done. He speaks of the victory that is wrought at the Cross and the blessings appropriated to us by faith, which is a gift of God. He reminds them that the cosmic battle between God and Satan is already won by Christ. He reminds them about the sinful and hopeless nature they were in before they were in Christ. He then goes on to exhort them unto holy living as a response to the grace found in Christ Jesus. Of how the Spirit works among and in them to bring them into conformity of Christ. And that the spiritual bondage they once were in is broken off by Christ on the Cross, and not by some ritualistic practice we see today.

Rather than speaking of what we often hear in church today, Paul never fails to remind his brethren of the depths of God’s grace and the appropriate response to so deep a grace.

Perhaps it is about time we look at what is important. If tongues, deliverance, exorcisms, altar calls and ministry en masse are indeed normative of biblical Christianity, the question we have to ask ourselves is why is there little mention, and often non, in Scripture? If it is indeed of utmost importance that we go through those ritualistic and emotional experiences before we can fully appropriate the fullness of life in Christ, why is it that the Apostles make little mention to such practices which contemporary Christianity make much of today?

Perhaps by preoccupying ourselves with those practices, we have lost sight of what God is indeed revealing to us in the Scriptures. Perhaps by tuning our ‘spiritual ears’ to the subjective impressions of the Spirit, we have inadvertently filtered out what the objective revelations of the Spirit in the Scriptures.

Perhaps by obsessing ourselves with demon possession and spiritual bondages, we have really fallen prey to the devil’s attack and are in a standstill in the work and progress of the Gospel. Simply because we have become too caught up with our subjective impressions, fighting the demons that live within us, and others, forever perceiving that we need that moment of ministry after the service in order to be liberated to experience the fullness of life promised in Christ. And in doing so, we forget about the richness of His grace, His power, love and glory displayed when justice and mercy met at the Cross, the movement and work of the Spirit in renewing our minds, subjecting us as one under and in Christ and the transformation of our natures into the conformity of His glorious Son.

Perhaps it is about time we stop blanketing others with that blanket of guilt, that unless they respond to the emotive ambiguous language coupled, with the sentimental and moving background music, they can’t experience the fullness of life found in Christ, simply because it is not true.

The God I believe in, whom is revealed to me in the Scriptures, is a God of eternity. My chains and bondages with the dark world was already broken on the Cross at Calvary, where the penalty of my sin was paid forth by the atoning death of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. My God is a God who is constantly at work. His Spirit moves within me by the moment, sanctifying me and making me conform into the image of my Lord Jesus Christ. His Spirit is not bound by season or moments in time, and He acts according to the sovereign will of the Father. The power of His might is not bound by the apparent manifestations that are deemed dramatic by men, but His power and might is expressed when He convicts me of my sin and empowers me to walk in the grace and righteousness of my Lord Jesus Christ, bringing glory to the Father.

There is indeed a battle of cosmic proportions that is being fought. And when we choose to lift our eyes from the Cross and His glory, making much of what is little, or not, mentioned in the Scriptures, and making light of what the Apostles remind time after time, we have lost sight of what is important. We have become that soldier, who in the midst of a battle, stooped down to polish his boots, because he has found a speck of mud on it, while the rest of his comrades are arduously fighting the true battle. Indeed he has lost sight of it all, because he is not fighting the true battle, choosing only to fight the demons within him, ignoring the true battle the Lord has called him to.

Insecurity and Aggression

We often fail to see the hand of God amidst our pains. Yet it is through these hurts and pains that the glory of God is manifested. I could not make sense of what I was going through half a year ago. Feelings of hurt and betrayal overwhelmed me. I broke down many times. Some in the privacy of my bed room. Others in the presence of trusted friends.

It did not make sense to me at all. I simply could not comprehend why God placed me in such a predicament. It just did not seem fair that I had to go through so much pain because I took things seriously, while others who were flippant could get away scot free, unscathed, unwounded.

A couple of months of rest in a community that truly manifested the love of Christ and an article I read last night that deeply resonated within me enabled me to make sense of what went on. He had a purpose in it all, a purpose I finally understood and am thankful for.

When I read Mishandling twentysomethings by Anthony Bradley last night, these words stared out at me, ‘he craves and needs validation and would like to use the church to make him feel good about himself’. At that moment, everything clicked. It made sense. It all made sense. Those words were the perfect description of who I was before.

Bradley’s article dealt with how young men my age, and like me, have often been mismanaged by the church. We’re the rare breed of young men who, in Bradley’s words, ‘tend to stand out because their twentysomething men peers are generally absent in most churches and many of the others present are going through religious motions, attending because of parental legalism, or because of girlfriend or wife pressure.’

Back then, I was active in youth ministry. Taking care of the younger ones. Leading a group of younger boys. Planning youth camps. Getting involved in almost any conceivable church programme. And though my concern and love for the next generation was true and deep, yet much of my actions were only reactions to the insecurities that were consuming me day by day. I was craving for and having a need for validation, and was using the church to make me feel good about myself. In plain words, I was insecure about my identity and was building it upon how others would perceive me to be.

During those years, the message that I saw in church was that if you wanted to be noticed, you had to be a somebody. It was not a message that was preached verbally, but a message that was lived out by those around me and soon subconsciously picked up by me as I observed what was going on. In order to be noticed or cared for, you had to have grown up in church, know the uncles and aunties in church, your parents had to be friends with them, you had to be in the cool clique and hang out with the cool dudes in church. Since I did not fit in any of those categories. I had to find another way for me to be loved and noticed. The most obvious was through ministry.

When I first came to church, no one took noticed of me. They just said hi the first time I came, and then I was left alone all the way in the back of the pews. I was only given attention when I started to help out in some events. And I began to make more ‘friend’ when I helped out with stuff more. Apart from that, no one bothered about my life, or what I went through. Perhaps it was early during that period of time that I was subconsciously induced into using such as a means of vying for the much needed attention I desired.

It seemed to work. The more I did in church, the more people gave me their attention. It seemed to me that I was valued for what I did. My peers who did not ‘contribute’ that much were often unnoticed by the adults in church. And because I did not feel valued as a person, the only way for me to feel valued was by simply doing more. At that point of time, I was not aware that this was the quiet motivation and driving force behind my actions, yet it was the very force that slowly consumed me and eventually led to my uncontrollable aggression.

My identity was built around my ability to articulate my thoughts and insights on matters. I was accustomed to just speaking my mind about things, and the more I spoke, the more attention I was given. Attention was given to me because I was outspoken. If I had not speak or made myself known, no one would have bothered about me. That was how I felt. However, such was not the right means to settle scores with my insecurity.

I was battling many struggles at that point of time. Though I was involved in much, yet I was feeling very lonely deep inside. In order to gain acceptance and to be noticed, I thought I had to do more. The more I did, the more weary my soul became. The more weary I became, the more I responded in aggression. My aggressive behaviour soon got the better of me and I had to leave the place, together with much hurt, sadness and feelings of betrayal.

At that point of time, I could not understand why did I have to go through so much hurt. I fought for the convictions I stood for, albeit in a very aggressive manner, and for that reason I suffered much. It just did not seem right. It did not make sense to me why flippant individuals who did not care about what was going on in church would be allowed to go away scot free without any hurt. It did not make sense to me why certain people with questionable behaviour were not dealt with, yet I had to go through so much. I felt very dejected about ministry and did not want to get involved in anything anymore. I felt that the more I care, the more hurt I would have to bear. And it did not make sense why I had to suffer so much hurt because I cared. I had many questions. But they were not the right ones.

Since then, I have found a community that loves you even before you can find a reason for them loving you. I have met a people who take an interest in your life even before they know you, or what you have to offer. I have met a people who fit you in before you even try to figure out how you can fit in. And in the midst of these people, I have learnt what true rest in grace and love is.

Grace is about a Father who loves us even though we cannot think of any reason why He should. Grace is about Jesus Christ taking an interest in our lives even though we have nothing to offer. Grace is about the Spirit that enables us to commune with God even before we can figure out how to.

And it is only in such grace that we can find rest. It is only in such grace that we can truly find love.

In our pragmatic world, we are inundated with the mantra that the value of a person is based on what he has to offer and what he has achieved. Daily we try to establish our worth based on our achievements. In order to be accepted our parents, we know we have to achieve good grades. In order to be accepted by our peers, we need to dress like them, speak like the, play like them. In order to be accepted by our mate, we need to be well groomed and fit into the social stereotype of that jock or chick. In order to be accepted by society, we must achieve much in the material world.

We all seek for acceptance. And when we fail to find that acceptance, we become very insecure about ourselves. The more insecure we become, the more we seek for acceptance. And in my case, it mounted up into aggression. The only solution to our insecurity is the rest that is only found in grace and love.

Grace is about a God who accepts and loves without any reason to do so. The world tells us that we are accepted only based on our achievements. Sadly, that ideology has permeated the church too. Many of times people are only noticed or given attention only if they have been with the church since young and know the other adults who are friends with their parents, or if they have some worthy contribution to the church, or fitted in well with the subculture peculiar to others in the congregation. But is this what true grace and love is.

The call to follow Christ is a call to be countercultural. It is disappointing to see how people in church would only accept others based on what they achieved, totally disregarding their value in Christ. Day by day we are slapped with a message of achievement. That if we want to be accepted, we need to achieve something in life.

Therefore, it is all the more important that, as followers of Christ, we reject this notion of acceptance based on achievements and proclaim a message of grace not simply with words, but by actual manifestations. Grace is when we accept others regardless of their achievements and contributions. Grace is when we love even before we should find any reason to do so. Grace is when we give attention to those whom we normally would not associated with or not have any prior relations with before. If and unless the Church of Christ manifests true love and grace, such cannot be found in the world.

It is only in such grace and love that we can truly find rest from our insecurity. It is only when the Church of Christ manifest the true grace and love of Christ that the disquieted soul is finally stilled.

The world tells us to love only if we can find a reason for doing so. God loves before we can find any reason why He should. The world tells us to take an interest in a person only when he has something to offer. Christ took an interest though we had nothing to offer. The world tells us to accept only those who are like us. The Spirit makes us acceptable before God the Father in Christ Jesus.

Today, I finally understood why I had to go through all that. It was His way of pruning the branch. If He had not put me through all that hurt and pain, I would have failed to see how my insecurity had led to my aggression. It was His way of dealing with my insecurity and making me realise that true love and grace is what I need. It was His way of dealing with my aggression that manifested itself from my insecurity. It was His way of bringing me back to Him, that I may truly be secure in Christ alone. And He did so by bringing me to a place where the grace and love of God is truly being manifested in His people.

Where the Spirit of Christ is moving, there is the Church of Christ manifesting the grace and love of the Father, the only true solution to our insecurity and aggression.

Lest We Forget

‘Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children.’ Deut 4:9

Yet again the demise of another person jolted me to much thought. My grandaunt gave me a book she wrote about my late granduncle two years ago, but I never got down to it, until this morning. I only knew him as a political figure, and like many young Singaporeans, I never paid much attention to his labours, though I very much am reaping the fruits of the seeds he sown.

It was only during the service last evening that I began to get a glimpse of his contributions. After having sung a hymn, the pastor gave time to those who would like to say a few words in appreciation of his life. A retired professor of electrical engineering at the then University of Singapore began talking about how he has the architect of Singapore’s economy. It was only then that I realised what my selective ignorance had cost me.

The pragmatic indulgence of the here and now has caused me to ignore the why and how. The ‘why’ of why our leaders fought so hard to give us what we have today. The ‘how’ of how are we able to reap the rewards of their lives’ labours today. My selective ignorance has cost me a lack of appreciation of what has been done for me, and has led me on to become yet another apathetic Singaporean youth who suffers from a myopia, thinking that all is well and having no thoughts or concerns about my community’s tomorrow. Such ignorance today must necessarily dictate a bleak future for us tomorrow.

Reflecting at my own apathy towards the affairs of the nation, I cannot help but relate it to what is happening within the church today. How many of us know what the Nicene Creed is? And even if we do recite it, what is its significance? Do we know what the battle at the Council of Nicaea was about? Perhaps we have heard the of Augustine. But do we really know what this doctor of grace taught? Do we know of his struggles with Pelagius? Do we even know who Pelagius was and the trouble he’s giving us today?

Fast forward it a little. Apart from associating Calvin with the perennial bulb, do we understand what he fought for? Don’t even know what that bulb is? Shame on you. Do we know how he was reluctantly thrust into undertaking the position of a Reformer? Do Presbyterian youths today know anything about this man at all? What about Cranmer and Latimer? How many Anglicans today just recite the collect from their prayer books without understanding that it was written with the blood of Cranmer? How about Wycliffe and Tyndale? How can we read the anglicised Bible today and not know a thing about these two men? We have taken things too lightly and have taken too much things from granted.

Far too often, we lapse into a pathologic disillusion that my faith just concerns me in the here and now. Forgetting the why and how we have arrived here today, we are unable to connect with the vision of God revealed to those who came before us, and hence are unable to receive the torch which they bore. Failing to receive the torch from them, we are unable to pass it on to the future generation, only if there truly is one.

Our oblivion to the past has created in us a spiritual amnesia. Such an oblivion stems from the primal insistence of a personalised faith that is founded apart from the collective community gathered around and in Christ. We think that God speaks to us only in this present age. Our refusal to reconnect and to understand the past, thinking that what has happened yesterday is irrelevant to us today, is an explicit denial that, even as God is speaking to us in this day and age, God has spoken, is speaking and will continue to speak. Perhaps it’s about time that we awake from our apathetic slumber and begin to be interested in the past. It is only with an appreciation of the past, will we then have a vision for the future. It is only with an attentive ear to what God has spoken to the saints of the past, will we then begin to discern how the Lord is speaking to the Church, not only in this present moment or the future, but through all eternity.

What is of greater concern is how we have remained ignorant to God’s salvation planned revealed in the person of Christ. Today, we have lapsed into a pathologic religious orientation dubbed as a ‘moralistic, therapeutic deism’ (by Christian Smith, professor at Notre Dame). The brand of Christianity is moralistic today because we think that all we need to do is just to give people good advice and encouragement, and all will be well. It is therapeutic today because Jesus exists for my emotional needs, He is there only to comfort me in my times of pain, only to ensure that I am happy all the time, only to give me assurance that all is well for me. It is deistic today because Jesus does not normally get involved in my life or care about what I do, He comes only to heal, only to help me get that job or promotion, only to answer the prayers that spring from the depraved desires of my deceitful heart. Such reflects our primal preoccupation with the here and now, not the why and how.

We have, often, forgotten the ‘why’ of why we need Jesus. The ‘why’ of why He had to assume such a condescending position, taking the lowly form of man. The ‘why’ of why He had to come to die. The ‘why’ of why He did what he did. The reason why is because of sin. A disease so rampant and pervasive, that it has infected the entire human race through the fall of one man.

We have, again. forgotten the ‘how’. The ‘how’ of how this redemption was bought. The ‘how’ of how He suffered. The ‘how’ of how we are made new again. The ‘how’ of how the Church is gathered together. The ‘how’ happened at Calvary. Where through the sufferings and death of one Man, on the Cross, was the majestic display both of God’s anger and love, of both God’s judgment and mercy, of both God’s righteousness and grace.

Without a vision of the ‘why’ and ‘how’ of Calvary, we would never understand the ‘why’ of the why we do what we do today and the ‘how’ of how ought we live today.

Shall we rest content only with singing how God is ‘Mighty to Save’, not knowing ‘why’ is He mighty to save? Or ‘how’ is He mighty to save? Or even ‘what’ does He save us from? Is our vision of God merely that only of one where we can get advice and motivations about the ups and downs of life? Is our vision of God that only of one who creates a warm emotional nest for us to be smothered in? Is our vision of God one where He is our life buoy? What does He saves us from?

Yes, God can do all that. He can lift up my spirits when I am down. He will provide in my times of needs. But He did much more. He saved me from my sin. He saved me from my rebellion against Him. He saved me from death. It is more fitting, thus, that we consider ‘The Power of the Cross’, rather than to be ignorant about how God is ‘Mighty to Save’.

Perhaps it is now time for us to step back from the here and now, to step back to the dawn of Creation, into the Garden of Eden, moving on to Egypt, through to the Exodus, into the Exile, creeping towards Bethlehem, struggling into Gethsemane, crawling towards Calvary, progressing towards Emmaus, being led to Bethany and looking forward to the New Jerusalem.

We are a people prone to forget. We forget what our leaders have fought for, and remain both unappreciative of their efforts and apathetic towards our community. We forget what the Church Fathers believed in and the blood shed by the Reformers, and remain both unappreciative of the heritage they left us with and apathetic towards the community gathered by, through, around and in Christ Jesus. We forget who Jesus is, what God has accomplished through Him and how the Spirit is moving through all eternity, and remain both ungrateful of what redemption was wrought through God’s grace at Calvary and indifferent towards the Body in which God has made us all one in Christ Jesus.

Perhaps it is now time to consider the Gospel, the true Gospel communicated to us by God in the person of Jesus Christ by the revelation of the Spirit, lest we forget the things our eyes have seen, and lest they depart from our hearts from all the days of our lives, becoming unable to make them known to our children and our children’s children.

Just Achan’s Sin?

The LORD said to Joshua, “Get up! Why have you fallen on your face? Israel has sinned; they have transgressed my covenant that I commanded them; they have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen and lied and put them among their own belongings.” Josh 7:10-11

Human nature dictates that we often take things for granted, that we often cruise along in life and not contemplate the deeper truths of life, until something happens. Such an incident happened last week. Something that caused much anguish and sadness within me which provoked me to deeper thought. One of my seniors took her own life.

Perhaps it should not have affected me that much, since I have never spoken to her before. But as I began reading into the life she led, I could not stop my tears. It was sad that someone so bright with a promising future ahead of her had to leave just like that.

It was normal for us to ask ‘What happened?’ She looked pretty fine and no one expected it. What happened?

The questioned I asked was not ‘What happened to her?’, but ‘What happened to us?’ What had happened to us as a community that we failed to see the struggles and tensions she was fighting within her? What had happened to us as a community that we had become oblivious to such a wearied soul in our midst? What had happened to us as a community that we have failed to love our neighbour?

I talked about it with someone from Church. This was his response, ‘Totally agree with you. Sometimes we get so caught up with our own ‘life’ that we are totally ignorant of our neighbour in need. Doesn’t help that we live in a place where results are paramount, frequently to the expense of other more important, human needs. Unfortunately I find that church is guilty of the same things.’

I was led back to reconsider Achan’s sin. Was it just Achan’s sin? Or was it Israel?

At first examination of Josh 7, it seemed so. Achan sinned. Israel lost the battle at Ai. Joshua cried. God said there were devoted objects in Israel’s midst. Israel found Achan. Israel stoned Achan. God was appeased. The pieces seem to fit together. Not so.

God said ‘Israel has sinned; they have transgressed my covenant that I commanded them; they have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen and lied and put them among their own belongings.’ (Josh 7:11) Why did God say ‘Israel’ and not ‘someone in your midst’? Why did God say ‘they’ and not ‘one man’? Why did God say ‘their’ and not ‘his’?

I’m starting to think that the reason why God punished the Israelites as a whole, claiming the lives of 36 men, is probably because of the breakdown of the community. No one bothered enough about each others’ lives and allowed Achan to slip. No one knew the temptations and deeds of Achan, the many struggles and tensions within his heart.

I guess, if a community is strong and bothered enough to love, to truly love, the likelihood of such occurrences would diminish.

Often, the ‘you’ in the New Testament refers not to the individual, but the collective Body, the Body of the saints in Christ. The Body that has been part of God’s mysterious will to unite all things in Christ (Eph 1:10). The Body that is now one new man in Christ (Eph 2:15).The Body that grows together and is being built together in Christ (Eph 2:21, 22). The Body that grows into Christ and is being held together by Christ, our head (Eph 4:15, 16).

Today, we’re becoming more isolated in our hurts. Contemporary theology speaks only of a personal relationship with Christ, often forgetting the co-union with all whom are united with Christ in one Body. Relationship is such a misunderstood word, where the focal point is on the emotional rewards of a human conception of what a relationship is.

It is forgotten that relationship is also a status. A new status we have with the Triune God which binds us all into one family. The emotions and euphoria should flow out of this status, the reverse doesn’t occur. The status we now have bids us to love. Yet often we choose to insulate ourselves in the heightened comforts of our emotions, neglecting the cries and needs of those around us, whom the Lord bids us to love. Whatever happened to the true relationship we’re called to have in, through and with Christ?

When such things happen, it is easy for us to point fingers, stone the sinner and suffer from a temporal amnesia. An amnesia that causes us to forget our responsibility in the Body of Christ, to love our neighbours and to grow as one. Yet it is unsurprising. Unsurprising because we see faith today as something personal, so personal that it has become individualistic. Shall we, like Cain say ‘Am I my brother’s keeper?’ (Gen 4:9)

May God grant us grace to be healed from this amnesia, and to show love to the lonely and hurting souls in our midst.

Dragon Slaying

It’s been a while since I wrote. A longer while since I last caught a film. The one I caught before my last was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The break after my finals seemed like a good time to catch a film, and I really wanted to check out the new 3D technology, so I did.

How to Train Your Dragon was a film I thoroughly enjoyed, not because of how well directed it was, or how smooth the animation was, or how interesting it was to have caught it in 3D, or even how melodious the soundtrack was. Rather it was how real the theme of the movie was. While the storyline, that of Vikings fighting dragon, is somewhat fictitious, yet the spirit of it was not. The struggles that Hiccup, the lead character, faced in his life were things I could identify with, and at some point of time in my life, am struggling with. It was a shadow of the real life.

The Vikings spent a lot of effort fighting off these pests, or so they think. Most of the Vikings were very pragmatic people. Because they saw that the dragons came to take away their sheep and cattle, therefore they assumed that dragons were menaces.

Hiccup was Stoick’s, the village chief, son. A rather unlikely one though. The scrawny boy was frowned upon by the entire village. It certainly was unthinkable that the bulked up village chief would even have such a scrawny son. He’s seen as a trouble maker, though he was trying his best to do his bit in helping the village fight the dragons. When he finally shot down one of the most elusive dragons, Night Fury, with his contraption, no one believed in him. The pragmatism of the society Hiccup was in left him wounded and scarred.

Before Stoick left on an expedition to hunt the dragons’ nest, Stoic enrolled Hiccup in dragon training school. It was also during that period that Hiccup ventured into the woods in search of Night Fury. When he eventually found Night Fury, whom he named Toothless, he discovered another side of the dragons and began to appreciate them for who they really were. Hiccup went beyond the pragmatism of the day’s culture and into the heart of the matter, and formed a deep friendship with Toothless.

He learnt that dragons were actually docile creatures and could be friends with humans. The reason they appeared to be such a menace was because they were under the control of a giant dragon who demanded them to feed it. And when they stole the livestock form the Vikings, the violence, arising from the pragmatic Vikings, provoked them to fight violence with violence.

Because Hiccup understood the heart and nature of the dragons, he excelled in dragon training school and was deemed as the one who could go on to slay dragons. Stoick started appreciating his son more after he heard of how Hiccup excelled. But they were on different planes. Stoick assumed that Hiccup would go on to slay dragons, but Hiccup wanted to be a friend of the dragons. Hiccup tried to explain the Stoick what happened, but Stoick wouldn’t give him a chance to do so, he kept prodding about how awesome it was that Hiccups was going to be a great dragon slayer. Stoick’s insensitivity to Hiccup’s sensibility left him rather discouraged and disappointed.

The day finally came when the top student was to slay a dragon in front of the whole village. The village chief was certainly proud that his son had the honour of doing so. But Hiccups saw it as a chance to show the entire village the true nature of dragons. He threw down his weapons, much to the dismay to the entire village. And Stoick told them to stop everything and started to ‘protect’ Hiccup by attacking the dragon.

Toothless heard the cries of Hiccup and came to his rescue, but this time Toothless got caught by the Vikings, when Hiccup told Toothless not to attack his dad. Stoick eventually used Toothless to lead them to the dragons’ nest.

Hiccup knew that this was a wrong move. He knew that the pragmatism of the Vikings meant destruction and death and that he had to do something ‘crazy’ to save them all. He got his fellow classmates and started training the dragons the Vikings used in school to work with them.

When the youngsters and their dragons finally reached the dragons’ nest, they discovered that the rashness of the adults’ pragmatism landed them in a state of defeat. But as with all movies, Hiccup and Toothless became the heroes of the day.

What made the movie really good to me was how I’m able to identify with Hiccup’s plight. The many disappointments, discouragements and hurts I have received from a pragmatic church culture is not very much unlike what was portrayed in the movie. How people would accept you only when they think that you are of use or worth to their cause, and ignore you when you don’t seem of any use to them. And even when they think they appreciate you, the reason for which they do is pretty much different from what you are truly doing and fighting for.

We’ve learnt to be very pragmatic in a lot of our dealings. But truth is, pragmatism hurts. Pragmatism is just a way of getting things done, never a way of building someone up.

Perhaps some stronger ones like Hiccup have enough courage to move against the tide and accomplish a great feat. Perhaps some people like David mounted up enough courage against the doubts of the people (1 Sam 17:25) and the condescending attitude of his brother (1 Sam 17:28), to defeat Goliath. But not many of us are like this.

When will we stop to think about what we’re doing? To allow things to stand still for a moment and listen to how the Lord is leading and speaking, instead of jumping to assumptions and doing more and more that do not build up, but leave even more people isolated in their hurts?

Though many of us can relate and identify with the struggles experienced by Hiccup. But life is not all that rosy. Not many of us have the courage and strength to fight the insensitive abuse of our sensibility. Hiccup mustered up enough strength to fight for what he believed in and dropped the letter S from what the dragons were once labelled. I am not like him, I am too tired and hurt and have decided to take a rest, leaving them to continue slaying the dragons. Literally.

Why Does the Bishop Always Wear Purple?

Just last week, my instructor went round the lab checking our finished denture. She was on a hunt for the few who retained a very important feature often missed out by many. I was one of them. She then asked me if I was just ‘lucky’ or that I knew the importance of it, hence went against all odds to keep it in place. I gave her an honest answer.

She then popped a question and asked me what can be done to cultivate thinkers in dental school. She lamented how the privileged few come in with better grades each year, but it seems like we are not thinking enough. It was a question that warranted much thought, and certainly not a hasty reply. Answering her question thoughtfully would definitely be most advantageous to me, since she is, after all, thinking about how she can stimulate us to think more in school.

I went home to mull over why we aren’t thinking about what we’re doing and not questioning what is being thought to us. Most of the time, I’m rather passive in my learning, accepting what is relayed to me and mindlessly carrying out the techniques in a rather mechanistic fashion. Was there anything she could do to help me think about what I’m doing in school? Not much.

Thinking about how life has been and the varied experiences I have had, not merely confined within the education system, but society in general, I concluded that it would take a juggernaut of an effort to cultivate deep thinkers during our relatively short stint in dental school.

Deep thought are cultivated by questioning. And questions simply, as how I have experienced life, are generally not encouraged in our culture. The only questions which are permitted are the ‘intelligible’ ones. Questions that seem to direct us towards a noble cause or aim. Questions that seem only to be associated with the more ‘important’ things in life. Questions that seek not to question the rudimentary and basic things of life.

I cannot help but to relate to an event that occurred a couple of years back. It was a dialogue between the youth leaders and the bishop organised by the youth board. Before we were allowed to ask questions, it seemed appropriate of the chair to remind us of the need to ask ‘intelligible’ questions. ‘Unintelligible’ questions, such as ‘Why does the bishop always wear purple?’, should not be asked. Then, I did the ‘intelligible’ thing, refrained from asking the ‘unintelligible’ question and avoided dwelling on ‘unintelligible’ thoughts. Looking back, I think it’s a very unintelligible thing to do so.

Why is it deemed ‘unintelligible’ to ask ‘Why does the bishop always wear purple?’ Trivialising the value of such rudimentary questions and stressing on the importance of only asking ‘intelligible’ questions that loom only on the superficial seeks not to cultivate deep thoughts in the room. Rather, what it does is to create an artificial climate of questioning, where deep thought is not provoked, but very much stifled by instilling fear of being the ‘unintelligible’ one who might ask an ‘unintelligible’ question, though he very much desires and has the truest intentions of deciphering certain questions he has from his observations.

And even if the question has a really unintelligible answer, that being perhaps there’s really no real reason why bishops should wear purple, the intelligibility of the question should not be deemed by the intelligibility of the answer, but very much by the value of the question, and the intent of the one who asks the question.

Too often, we take things for granted, and fail to consider why we do what we do, or more importantly why we believe what we believe. Our stagnancy in life results not because we have not considered our next action, rather it stems as a result of failure to consider and question the things we have taken for granted. Our lack of convictions, and easiness to be swayed, stems not because we have not done enough or experienced enough, but is an inevitable result when we have not spent enough time questioning the rudimentary things which we have taken for granted.

More often than not, this is the case in the church today. And because we fail to question the deeper and more rudimentary things in life, assuming things are so just because someone told us so, we tend to live in a spiritual bubble of our own making. Imagining how things are and ought to be. Being disjointed and disconnected from the real world God has placed us in. This is, perhaps, best reflected from the primal insistence of many Christian leaders that what they say is right, often not providing any logical reasoning for their claim or leaving any room for questions in the name of faith, or more so by the herd mentality of many Christians in following the latest fad in the spiritual arena and taking what that leader say to be the whole truth. But, unless, we allow ourselves both to question and to be questioned, no deep and true convictions can be forged in life, much less any attempts to evangelise, for what we speak of is a news of our making, and most certainly not the euangelion that came with the Logos.

Recently, a friend of mine, once a Roman Catholic who has recently gained an interest in the evangelical faith and has been attending a protestant church, asked me a few questions about good deeds. At a point in our discourse, he had a couple more questions one of which was this, ‘This is something very strange to ask – how does Christ dying on the cross make all things good? How does His dying conquer all our sins and death? I know this is a very very very fundamental question to our belief but I have been living on a unstable floating answer which is not good enough for me. I know the true answer will just light this hugungous light bulb in my head and I will go crazy after that. In a good way of course.’

I am not sure how many of us professing evangelicals dare to ask such a question. Perhaps it is deemed unthinkable or even unforgivable that we should ask such a question in our churches, for the very fact that we have all been through baptism and confirmation class and should have known all these at the back of our hands. But do we? Do we truly know or have we merely accepted things just as they are? Do we have deep convictions formed within us when we say that Christ Jesus is our Lord and Saviour, or do we merely mouth those words out, not truly knowing or questioning the implications of that statement? Do we even bother to question at all?

The very fact that my friend said it was a ‘strange’ question, imbibes with it a lot of meaning with regards to the climate in the Christian subculture of today. ‘Strange’ meant that it was not to norm. ‘Strange’ meant that it was unthinkable that he would ask such a question. ‘Strange’ meant that he should not be doing it. ‘Strange’ meant that it was ‘unintelligible’.

But deep within our hearts, as it is with him, we all know that it is indeed a very fundamental question that needs to be answered. And that the true answer would change our lives. Yet how many of us do actually contemplate on the answer to that question, and are prepared to ask ‘strange’ and ‘unintelligible’ questions regarding our faith and life? And even if we are willing, do our leaders encourage us to do so and make fertile the grounds for such ‘unintelligible’ thoughts and questions? Do we dare to face the ‘unintelligible’?

Perhaps answering the question about the bishop’s choice of colour may seem inconsequential with regards to the issues youth leaders are supposed to discuss. But it is certainly an opportunity to provide an intelligible response to such a question, a response that would both cultivate deep thinking among the leaders of the church tomorrow, and to teach the youths about church traditions and identity, something that is fast eroding amongst youths in my generation, not because we are not bothered, but because no one is bothered to share with us the rich traditions, heritage, identity and history that we once had. There are no questions that are unintelligible, but there certainly are responses and answers that are.

Just last week, a lecturer told us how the world once thought that a certain isolated microbe was not pathogenic in nature. The world lived on with that lie until two Australians were crazy enough to prove, on themselves, that it causes gastric ulcers which may progress on to cancers. The lecturer explained to us how the world believed the lie. Publish a work and let the rest of the world copy yours. And then the world lives the lie. The truth was only to be discovered when those guys dared to mess with the assumptions and question the rudimentary.

I gave a brief response to my instructor about my thoughts on cultivation of deep thought, and this was her response, ‘Innovation and self directed learning is to be celebrated but I perceive that we often give lip service to such things and don’t really want to dwell in them or improve ourselves unless it hurts us not to.’ It is sad that what she said is so true. Sad that it is reflective of society at large. Saddest that it is reflective of many of our churches.

As for me, it doesn’t matter so much if someone eventually gives me an intelligible response regarding the bishop’s choice of colour, since I have already left that denomination. But it matters to me whether we encourage deep thought in our churches, not merely in form of lip service, but to pay due attention to every question and questioner. And I’m glad that I do see this value in the shepherds of the new community I’ve been grafted in.

A pastor gave his view of eschatology on Sunday. He exhibited humility in acknowledging that others may have questions about it and would gladly take any, and spend time with those who have. I saw with my eyes that it wasn’t only lip service, but he genuinely stayed back after the service and was interested in both the questions and those who asked them. Kudos to him.

Do we dare to question? Are we prepared to seek the truth?

no more

anglicanitis is no more attending an Anglican church.